Chapter 8:To think about it…

I’ve updated chapter 7,
yea I’m trying to do double entry for today.

———————————————————————

To think about it…
We were close for actually more than 2 years.
I get to know her before my SPM, which is 3 years ago.
It was end of the year, so means its before November.
We started to spend time with each other frequently since December 2007. It ends March 2009.

2 years…
How could it all changed till like this.

To think about it..
She was actually that girl who gets sick often.
I actually fail to convince her how to be healthy.
I also fail to make her to be more healthy.
I don’t know whether she is healthier now or not, I sure do.
But I remember, she told me that her eyes was weak, that it went for operation.
Main concern was her low blood pressure.
Every now and then, when she tells me her story or situation about it,
I always wished I could do something.
But end up, all I can do was just saying a few lines that doesn’t makes her healthier like “Rest more.” =.=
And also…
the most I can do is giving her Iron pills for her low blood pressure on her birthday, hoping that she’ll take it which obviously she won’t.
I wish.. there would be someone who can convince but sadly that person doesn’t exist.

To think about it…
She was that unique girl that I really really like..
That would stands in front of the crowd and say it out loud,
“Hey! I’m different!”
I thought that I actually found someone who actually appreciate uniqueness, but as time goes by, I guess that her is disappearing.
Every since she got into NAFA, she start to be affected greatly on what people would say and would really give up things that are unique that is in her.
That is the girl I truely miss talking to.

To think about it…
I actually spend more good times than bad times with Xue,
but as time goes by if things remain like this.
It will be the other way round. Hahahahah

To think about it…
I don’t know why I so noob, would willing to call her using IDD, and stupidly didn’t really mind that she NEVER call back once at all.
I guess this is the point where she can say we weren’t close at all
I was so noob, accepting that, aiyaa Xue got one style..
Is call the lazy to do all the mafan stuff.. buying IDD just to call me =.=
But nah, I should actually think this way..
If it was for other better guys, I think she will.
But each time I get my IDD, I was really excited to call her..
sometimes call halfway, then IDD finish then I say “You wait arr I go buy IDD first”.
Hah, sohai… I so called close with her, never even ask her am I the only Malaysian who calls her this often?

BUT….. I remember I did ask her…
whether does she mind that I call this often.
She said it was fine, I’m convince so.
Because at that time I still remember, she was the Xue, who was happy go lucky, always ponteng class, sleep late, repeat the word sien very frequent but after we chat she no more say sien liao =D

To think about it…
I also… don’t know when it actually started.
When things started to change.
I couldn’t see.
My sense was blind believing that she IS the Xue that will be a supporting close friend of mine no matter what.
But I just don’t understand when did it actually happen when things started to turn upside down.

To think about it….
the next entry is gonna be… moments of the time where I actually confess my feelings to her, in a sad way.
I actually felt disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to say it confidently out loud, followed by saying..
I know it might be hard to accept, but I wish that no matter what happen you’ll still be there for me.

To think about it….
I’ve been wanting to be in Singapore always since 2 years ago..
which lies only one purpose.. which is for her.
To aim to go Singapore, become a Singaporean,
leaving Malaysia behind where my friends are.. where the foods are..
where the cheaper stuff are… where the traffic jams are..
It was during age 19 where my STPM is already approaching I started to wish that I could get into NUS.

NUS.. siao.
All my friends who got at least 3A’s made it there.
I end up failing Math, resiting Foundation Course.
Which is a real sad sad sad sad sad sad thing.
So that’s why now the moment I see my friends are in NUS, all I could tell myself is.. I only have one final chance to make it.
Not to SG, as for now, since no more Xue, I don’t think Sg is my ideal place.

She’s aiming to be a fashion designer and no need to say, Japan is her main aim.
Surprisingly the field that I’m into, Japan also very hot into it.
Japan so big, I don’t think we will be fated to meet.
So now yea that’s my main aim which is Japan, where I might be IDT General’s a.k.a Mac Chang rival.
But that’s like really LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go.
What I meant was not the duration, is the moments of me working hard for it. Xue used to be able to be a boost for me, like how the Hitman Reborn shoot the gun to Tsuna head then got fire.
Now.. bo liao… =D

To think about it…
I myself never expect this.
I thought such thing will never happen.
But it still happens ^^V

Chapter 7:I don’t know…

Is already been about half a year.
From March till now…
To be honest, for now many memories with her are like already fading, so it should be a good sign. But surely from time to time I’ll be reminded, even a simple thing could remind me of her.

I still have a few more stuff to let it out,
that is why the chapter doesn’t end so fast yet.
But each time I can use the comp, instead of blogging or do what should be done, I’ll go into my games instead.

P/S: Online games will greatly remind me of her, as there is where I get to know her. I’m still in touch with online game, so imagine that.

——————————————————————-

She was…

A real supportive friend..
that is why until today I still feel that I’ll lost a real great support.
I just had no idea..
How did we actually became so close then and end up like this.

Our conversation always went right, even not right also end up right,
I remember asking her this, “how come you never show me your not good mood side of yours?”

Then again.. she’ll say.. WE WEREN’T close at all, or maybe she dislike to pick up my phone call.
I had no idea…
How could it be possible to talk to me for a long hours almost every week? If she doesn’t like talking to me on the phone she could always just put down or something..

But our conversation lasted, we always share our stories, our point of view, we use to discuss things and so on.
For almost 2 years. If she dislike it, I guess I was too noob to even realize it =)
Because it was alright for at least a year.

She was good in art as we all know..
and just one fine day, I was talking to her about sketching she gave me one picture to sketch.

It took me one night to finish this.
I was really delighted and so shock that I could actually draw.
It may be a simple picture, but do you ever hear me telling stories about sketching?

After completing, I immediately go and find her and tell her that I’m amazed that I could draw, just like a real jakun.

So why did I went and complete the sketch?
So that can talk to her more about it =D
The only thing I could remember at that time was she said this on msn
“Wow your shadings very nice eh.”

Shadings..
the only technique I know is use ur finger and smudge it.
Zach told me that there is other ways to shade, but until today I still don’t know how.

Getting to know more and more about Xue brings me closer to the world of arts each day..
and I think I’m slowly leaving already.
Is really interesting to hear her telling me how she did her artwork,
and yeaa you only could hear her interested in drawing Jrockers.

I think I did ask her why don’t draw female instead.
The reason I really FORGOT.
I think is either cause female harder to draw, or you know…
Guys would wanna draw girl, and girls would wanna draw guy

——————————————————————-

Guitar and Japanese Class
Besides drawing…
She will always mention to me about how she desire to learn electric guitar.
She told me that her mum doesn’t support her, but don’t know why she allow her to take up Jap class.

The only one thing I learn from her is, how to pronounce Tsu,
Because I was complaining why people can’t pronounce my name properly, and why do japs have difficulties pronouncing english names.
We pronounce Jap words like no problem at all.

Then she told me how that to pronounce this T-S-U is Tse–u
All I heard was what? Shzzzzzzz-u
So I failed to pronounce it, until I check on the internet they taught me try pronouncing Tse Tse Fly.
So yeaa great success!

I remember stories of Japanese classes are, it take place every Sunday.
Errrm.. she likes her teacher really much, there is a guy one there is also a female one.
Her tall guy partner name Cedric.
and.. Jap girl exchange students..
Nothing really much.

I really admire her, what she did was she saved money for her guitar lesson. That is something that I’ll never do.
I remember how she told me how her savings slowly grow and grow.

Well in future she actually saved for guitar.
Damn funny, save then halfway spend then save then end up got ang pao money then buy.

Supposingly, I could somehow feel that someday she’ll share with me her music journey, and yea at least get to hear a few songs from her so that we can discuss about it. Since I’m also playing an instrument too. Yes, Music was our topic too as I sometimes try to figure out chords that are played in the noisy rock song.

So that’s how it was.

Chapter 6: When you were still in Republic Polytechnic

Just as I said earlier on, is gonna get worst and worst and worst ^^V
Sooner or later, she will tell people that we were never friends and then all sorts of nonsense will come out ^^V
Then I’ll just have to just see it happen, and…
I also don’t know how am I going to respond towards it. =D

Each and every post I publish, after some of you guys read it, surely you guys will go tell her like “Eh Shungz update his blog, he say $%^&&^*&( issit true?” then from there she’ll go like no is not true laa and she might just tell you that it didn’t happen or what so ever.
Just my guess, but I think it has been happening.. but whatever la~
My chapters of happy moment with her are limited, so the moment I finished my chapter already, there won’t be anymore.

To STYX, you can curse me and do whatever things so that I feel hurt and hate you, but before you successfully made me hate you,
let me write it out all here so that these memories will be remembered by others cause I’ve always value it.
I know that all those times, when you were really good and nice to me, it was all genuine.

You were that girl that I know,
whom I even compose a theme song for.
You were that friend whom I know that we could talk on the phone for hours. Even though talking on the phone for hours you could say again.. doesnt mean I know you well and so on.. BUT HEY..
I know that it was mutual that we could talk a lot.
Otherwise how could we actually get to go on our conversation for a year plus?
So you can deny all you want, afterall is all PAST TENSE. ^^
——————————————————————–
Those times… before punkish

So she ended up in RP, which stands for Republic Polytechnic, located at Woodlands.
As she told me the course that she ended up with, I knew she was just accepting unwillingly the course she took, which is Biotech.
She was always the girl who doesn’t like science, had great passion in arts. Yeaa… she is until today will always be remembered as a girl who is good in arts. Double Peace Happiness V^^^^V

So everytime when I call her, eventually our conversation will be about our school life. How her adventures will be, and the one thing that I can never forget is she could bring her laptop and online during class and use MSN.
Another thing I could always remember is…
the word “Sien”.

I’ve asked her on how she would end up in such place.
She said she wanted marketing or something like that in some other poly but couldn’t get it, and she was thrown into a Science course which her grades as she said wasn’t so good.
In Malaysia, typical minded people will always think, good results = science not good results = arts.

So yeaaa.. don’t know how she got in Science right?
She was in that poly for about a year.
It was like a foundation year for her before she get into her major.

So there, I was there to always hear her how sad it was to not to have the course she really wants.
But nevertheless, she sure do made friends in there.
In fact mat7 story with who and who also tell.

One of the moment I could still remember until today was I remember when she was finishing one of her art, I was talking on the phone with her. Then all of the sudden she goes like
“YES!! I FINISH I FINISH!! YAY!!!”

Those was the time where she was hardcore sketching those J-rockers.

Next I could remember was, Lolita, Punk…
those time she was like changing her style into those.
Before that she was the one who always tell me two things.
Make up and mini’s, the double M.

To be honest, I’ve learnt lotsa stuff about make up from her.
Cause I always tell her that Pei Yi doesn’t like make up at all, and she’s the one who always will surely tell me about this word. EYELINER.
Before knowing her, my knowledge of make up is only just lipsticks and those you put at ur cheeks and a lil of the eye shadow. Don’t even know what is foundation, mascara, eye curl and so on…
I still remember I don’t know what is the difference between putting on make ups and without it.

She was the one who actually showed me that you could actually make SO MUCH difference and so much magic with make up ^^V
Still again, no matter what style she wants to change into, it’s always black you’ll get to see.

Anyway, I think I’ll finish up all the entries by this week ba…

During those time when she was bored always, I did for her a theme song.
Well I think such theme song only applicable in a few years time.
When she was bored always thinking what to do, then each time when she found out what she wanna do she’ll just do a bit here and there, and when she found something to do, it’ll be like Mario jumping high to the finish point on top of the flag and slide down. =D
That’s how the song was meant to be.
Now I guess some other will have to do a many times better than this theme song ^^

I remember that was the time I started watching Naruto.
That became an extra topic when we chat…
lolzz coz that time watch too much naruto, get hyper when hear all the theme song for each character.

So here u go, a theme song of Xue a year+ ago

Pause my blog song over there>>>>>>>
if u wan to hear it =D

Peace to the max ^^V

Well the day has come,
the day I know where why would Xue would hate me for telling her friend Ying Ling to take over my role as someone who would care for her. =)

Yeaa.. let me pause my whole dam “final” entries of happy moments with Selicia Teoh Yong Xue first.

So what happen was that Xue finally confronted YL and tell her off.
Actually the main topic is just simple.
Xue thinks that Ying Ling is Les, so Xue just don’t want to be with her as Les partner, and all the craps that Xue can’t stand of her =D

Well Xue, hate me for posting this.
Hate me for bothering this matter and say I kepoh, cause I know you would tell me this matter on the phone and we’ll surely talk about it IF and only IF we were still in good terms.

So why initially I chose to tell Ying Ling that errm yeaa please take over? I see this girl Ying Ling as a SUPPORTIVE friend just like Zach and I.
Let me tell you guys how close Zach and I were or was or is…

When we were secondary 3 onwards,
Zach was always standing by my side.
Always sticking to me, hanging out with me, I stay over at his place almost every month.
Till the extend that some dude jokingly said we are gay =D

But Zach and I did talk about this,
we can’t be gay can’t we?
He gave this theory
“You like neng ku pao(breast), I like neng ku pao, so we can’t be gay.”
Yea is vulgar, but well the conversation is only two of us.

Secondly, we know it very well that is a SIN to be gay or homosexual.
As our God said that homosexual is just wrong ^^V

I used to have this line to tell the homosexual,
For guys “You should poke people, not let people poke you, or else your batang is for what? Your batang main function is to poke people.”
True enough as for guys, you can poke guys ass, but then there’s another sentence to support it as that sentence is NOT COMPLETE,
Then what’s the point you have sperm anyway?

For girls is just vise versa, “You should let people poke”

So yea, as for me I DO NOT believe that anyone should be homosexual,
I define them as.. confused with their feelings and influenced by others. So to those homosexual out there, you should be homosexual if you are sexless, but the fact is we are born with a sex male or female^^V

space
space
space
space

So yea Ying Ling was not only the person that I told to take over,
I also told two trustable Celestica==>Apostate buddy to take over too.
They were Zhi Jian Ngau and Jason Yu Kong Chai.
Why I do that? Cause like I said entries back, I felt something was wrong, and if things doesn’t resolved.. I hope someone would take over, and these are the people whom I think that can take over.
As Silent aka Zhi Jian should be her friend through gaming LONGER than me, Jason was the all time favourite teddy bear by many.
Oh For teddy bear means something good and comfy that you can cuddle on ^^. But this one is a talking teddy bear.

So I don’t see why there should be the reason where Xue should actually detest me where I chose Ying Ling to take over.

Because 1
As I said she’s a supportive friend of her

2
She could really take care of her in real life, as in the FRIEND TYPE of care, the girly friend type of care.

3
Live nearby, just like Zach and I

space
space
space
space

But well sadly what I thought was wrong.
To Xue,
she’s a friend to her indeed.
But with a lot of crappy stuff we all don’t know.
Like all she mentioned in her blog, keep sticking to her and Lesbian.

But even then…
so what?

Even Ying Ling is a Lesbian like what people said, and Xue believe or don’t believe.
She had a boyfriend before, that is ENOUGH evidence to clearly say that she’s not a lesbian regardless on how obsess she was or are with Xue. But yet, the thoughts of it just can’t be excluded as according to Xue her actions are not convincing enough.

space
space
space
space
space

True enough, I may not even see it myself what Ying Ling is doing and did before that are actions to prove that she is les and is attracted to Xue.

BUT then.. not to forget…
-Ying Ling aka Yosephina knows that homosexual is wrong too ya know.
So as a friend, why can’t Xue actually confirmed with her first that whether she is les or not since both of them are girls and FRIENDS just like how guys settle things by face to face confrontation.

-Besides, Ying Ling also had a bf during the time Xue was suspecting and not suspecting and so on.

Lastly, this is a EVIDENCE that I feel that is enough to tell that she is not a Les and is attracted to Xue in a Lesbian manner

-If she’s a Les and wants to be with Xue, I should be detest and hated by her, as you know.. I was the one who actually CELEBRATED xue’s birthday while Ying Ling was ffk-ed, and Xue now hates me badly.. so Ying Ling should be the one to blog more shits about me since I’m blogging stuff about Xue. She should feel sibeh jealous of my existance… But why she didn’t?
Well you guys could say that she DID write an entry saying bad about my present and all BUT… hey..
shouldn’t she be blogging more about me since I still blog about Xue?
Right? Or in fact, go try be hero go take me down.. right?
But nope. that didn’t happen. In fact, I was ALL THE WHILE on the phone with Xue for a year weekly, shouldn’t Ying Ling should be like even more jealous or something? Even if Ying Ling don’t know my existance that time, but after that she should be you know feeling what Xue feel towards me.

Hate to the max,
Treat me as I never ever existed,
Deny good times that ever happen between Xue and I,

Double Peace Happiness V^^^^V

s
p
a
c
e

I feel that.. I guess I will look at things differently if I were still in contact with Xue.
But lol I won’t get to know Ying Ling if things were alright, because yup I added her with a purpose to pass a message.

Maybe this entry will make things between both of them worst.
But.. well, this is my hope here.
Of course I sure wish that it’ll be alright and settle soon.

For me I think there’s SURELY a misunderstanding.

2nd, maybe Ying Ling does what Xue mentioned,
but still I would believe.. she’s not les, even so..
As I mentioned, maybe just confuse with her feelings and all that right?
Ying Ling broke with her bf NOT because of Xue also as far as I know.
In fact Ying Ling felt EMO okay when they broke.

3rd, what people say matters.
Such as “OOoo you do this means you giving that person hope etc etc..” “ooo she’s doing that, I think she’s attracted to you”
Xue can deny it but well.. everyone has their right to deny ^^V
I feel that if Xue strongly felt it wrong, why can’t they confront each other and said this is what I felt and so on..

Tried but she’s stubborn.
or scared hurt her feelings?

Well I would say..
If I would have a good friend, a supportive friend who is gay.
I would tell him that same old line where how he should poke people and so on. I will also tell him that yeaaa gay is wrong.
Simple as that.
If gay is NOT wrong, then I can only say, yea I’m not gay, I can’t be gay, simple.
If you really don’t want to hurt someone feelings, you could always end with something like this.
It may hurt your feeling, but what I care the most is the FRIENDSHIP, I treasure the friendship but please don’t make this homosexual thingy affect our friendship.

Simple as that.

But the fact is…
I don’t think she’s a Lesbian anyway.

lastlastlastlastly,
I’m consider as 3rd party. ^^V
so hate me for being kepochi.

What can I do anyway?

Lol, I guess… things that I predicted are happening.
At first, I predicted a long time ago where if similar case happen just like how it was which is our current situation, it will really take a long time to actually like what people’s definition to “get over it”. Because, during those time when we contact each other weekly, I only have one thought which is really simple, she and I no matter how bad can the bad times be it will never be like how it was between me and TPY. Worst come to worst, we still could be friends who would care for one and another.

Next, since it should be similar to what did happened.
So I guess slowly by slowly the HATE cycles will actually begin are already did.
You can blame me that what I do she will hate me more, but if I don’t do anything, things will just remain as if as she don’t exist in my world, and I don’t exist in her world.
And is not like not doing anything will actually make the good things happen, so what I could only do is only hope for good things to happen. If it doesn’t, I’ll just have to express it all out, let it all out or whatever you call it.

Such sad event will not even have to happen, I won’t have even need to feel this way as events happen will affect my emotions, I won’t even write this emo entry by sharing the happy moments I had with her as doing that would do the job of letting other people to keep those memories for me so that all of us who intend to remember it never forgets it, which got chance to or will cause her to react unreasonably, and express it emo-ness just like graffiti in the wall, to people that I just feel like express to.

Yup, indeed I’ve mention many times, it affects me greatly surely I will react like that. The most I’ve could control myself is try to find ways to be happy and try not to think about it?
But too bad, my brain has already recognize that this girl IS one of the person that could plays a big role in my life.
I can tell myself many times forget her, and all nasty stuff about her,
but well.. you can’t fool your brain as you wish, my brain still knows that she’s alive, and as long as she’s alive, my brain will always tell me that she’s missing but she’s somewhere on earth, and I can no longer contact her anymore.

I would really want to say, each moment of time spent with her, I’ll always forget what is sadness is.
Because that Selicia I know have that character to make me totally forget the feeling of sadness and sorrows. In fact it is all happy moments happy times most of the time.
Yea..yeaa… more I say more she tak syok…
say bad things also she tak syok…
say nothing… things still remain the same still she tak syok, that is why things are like how it is now.
So at the end, might as well say the good things then? What’s so wrong about that?

Third, as mentioned how the hate cycle will go on is..
she will either react or not react, respond or not to..
but I believe kepochi’s will surely pass the infomation on what I would say to her. Then she hate me say bad stuff about me, then my auto reaction if I don’t control myself I’ll might say bad stuff about her, and it goes on and on and on and on…..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I always disagree on the act of how a girl would want to keep doing something bad to a guy that she’s not interested so that it discourage him and it will easily make the guy to lost interest.
Well, theoretically yes it does, BUT have you ever thought of a happier ending?

When such thing happen, BOTH SIDES are not happy.
As one side force to be someone that they are not, and another side have to tell himself that is not true.

She and I, whether she deny this statement or not, I will still say..
We were really good friends.. because I know what she trusted me in and what I trusted her in.
We do share our secrets and own thoughts that I believe that such stuff we don’t really share to other random people or someone we just know a few days.
Our chats on phone are usually discussing on our thoughts, then only our real life happenings and then try to relate it with our thoughts.

Such chat to have it, is really hard to have it with just anyone.

So we’ve been the stage of really good friends.
Why can’t we settle it in a how a good friend should settle problems?
Why it has to be this way where it IS the inverse of how it was?
With such question in my head, it’ll always make me think of her.

Since now her act is already decided and done which is ignoring for life,
so got ignore already… what can you do?
Someone told me about kena ignore nevermind, but don’t kena hate.
Cause is even more worst.

So yea, lets say the previous situation was Ignore, so if I do something it will cause her to hate me, if I don’t do anything, she remains to ignore.

But I guess people who tell me such stuff forget one thing,
The reason she ignore because of hate, so is already
Hate+Ignore.
So isn’t Hate+Ignore and Ignore+Hate are the same?

The sum of hate ,more or less, to me… hate is hate…
Whether is much or little, is still the same. If is a small amount of hate, is just a minor dislike.
In fact, the more I think of how she would hate me…
I only could say what can I do so that you don’t hate me?
and when you don’t hate me how does things can return back like how it was where there was no hatred?

Lastly, if you want to talk about things cooling off..
Well, things may cool off, but at the end of the day if is NOT RESOLVE it will never be cool off.
This let things cool off should be applicable when there are two different thinking that will leads to argument and leads to no conclusion.
But our freaking situation there’s a conclusion,
I’ve told her, I know situation is sucky, so PLS tell me what are the ways to resolve this.
But the answer I get is a NO ANSWER.

NO answer doesn’t mean no, doesn’t mean yes, and have even more meaning than that.
Friends even they give a no answer, no matter what at the end of the day they still will give an answer.
In fact, I ask through typing, isn’t text is more easier to reply compare to real life chat?
and… receiving a no answer… it could also mean.. you’ll receiving no answer forever… where the fact again, my mind actually knows that there is an answer.
That was the last feeling I had before things became like this ^^V

So I guess, if she start inflicting damage on me, I guess I’ll have to just be cool with it and try to think of happy times so that the hate cycle will always ends on me.
Of course the best would still be, she and I would end up like how it was. Where we can share our thoughts with trust, play games anytime, could still see her again when I go Singapore, just like how a good friend will spent their time with their good friend.

Since such happy stuff, I can’t hope for it anymore..
unless she have the desire too, to hope for the situation that I hope for.
Or else otherwise, I’ll just have to see whether on that day what would my mind try to remind me of her about, or tell me which stuff about her every single day, respond to it depending on how much it affect me,and only wish for the day where all the thoughts of her will no longer affect me anymore.
also~~ say in my heart… “What you wanna do, you do laa, since what I hope for can’t come true anyway~”

p/s: Even the priority that I really hope for or used to hope for is to be with her for the rest of my life, but I know that my brain can tell me that well if she thinks I’m not suitable for her, of course I would wish that we could be real good friends. Furthermore, how long I could actually persuade her?
Until she get married meh? Is not forever okay.
I’m not immortal.
So there is NO LIE if I say such statement that what I really want NOW is to resume things like how it was. That’s all.

Chapter 5:The one and only happiest moment with you

Simple title, simple entry.
All written, meant for kepochi.
As all this memory are precious to me,
it will be remembered with the help from kepochi ^^V

Before I began, the previous entry, there is err 2nd part after discussing with some friend of mine who is a maths dude =D

So I shall began since now I cannot sleep, cause bo happy.

——————————————————————
Genting Highlands

This story, only a few people knows it.
The subtitle says it all.
So what happen there? Simple.
That was our first meeting in our whole life.

She contacted me a few days before she landed there,
I think it was me who suggested to meet up?
Then she agreed.

Hah, come to think of it..
I not sure whether was is a good day for her or not.
If I could go back in time, this will be the day I will go back,
My Form 6 also haven’t start yet, SPM results just receive, baru saja kena kao kao from TPY
What else? O, Celes just formed like a month or two.
Nesh still with Hui Wen, I got my routine of going to Auto Surf.
Errr… what else? Many la.

That was the day I don’t think I can ever forget, and I tell you, it is really funny if you would compare how much I always think of this day as a good start of our… friendship? To her is like… nothing at all.
If you try to compare it, is like heaven and hell ^^V

The story began when she told me 3 days before she landed in Malaysia that she’s coming to Genting, agreed to meet up, bus ticket to Genting also automatically go KL Central and buy liao =D
That’s how I get to know Genting got such cool offer.

RM20 through and flow, can either choose LUNCH or any meal at some hotel(BUFFET) I forgot la either one OR OUTDOOR THEME PARK TICKET.
FREE!

I bought up like RM100?
Like that would last me hor.

So a night before going up, she was still awake during the midnite, until next morning don’t know what time, as I said that I’m coming as early as possible, which means I’m taking the earliest bus.
Oh yes, how’s like that ended up me solo-ing to meet her?
All the sudden she say want meet up ON A WEEKDAY so is like how to get people @@, and I don’t know how many people who’s in the Klang Valley/KL region actually know this and thought of meeting her up.

I remembered I did message her saying that I don’t think others will turn up or something like that, you SURE you want to meet me ALONE?
She said she didn’t mind =/
So okay then..
I remembered I send her a text saying
“Btw, I’m really skinny Xp” For nuts I don’t know why =D
Then off to bed I went to bed at 1am.

Nxt morning 7am, rush to Ktm, Ktm to central need about half an hour plus, then late for the bus for about 1-5 min+
The bus WAITED for me, and I was the LAST.

So imagine how destined it was for me to meet her.

Then go up there, still early, about 9-10am, called her, she was asleep.
End up, I sat somewhere doing nothing but sms-ing Hui Wen.
I still remembered she say this,
“Haha, don’t sad laa I’m sure your day today will be great meeting Xue”
Oh what I was sad about? There that was the time I just completed O TPY song and she “machine gun” me in her blog lo. =D

So waited and waited, and enjoyed the cool breeze and after I ate at the mamak stall somewhere in the basement car park of genting.

Finally about 1pm she woke up, and yeaa she came down to err you know.. First World where the shopping malls are there?
She asked me to meet her at Kenny Rogers, so I don’t know how I zoom there earlier than her, so I waited again.
Suddenly I saw a girl who looks like her, but I’m yet to not too sure that is her.
WHY? Because I only see her in pictures only but not in person..
In real life she look much more older than in the pictures she used to have, or what people would always say to make that person feel good.
“You look mature”. But yeaa, she look more older than me ^^V
To confirm that is her, I just try calling her number again see does she answer her phone or not, and yes it is her.

I was shock,
in picture she doesn’t look that tall.
But in person, I already felt so small as she walked passed me haha.
She was with her whichever boots I also forgot, black skirt, black speg top, and a Jacket with the word “Death Skateboard” or skateboarders or whatever, and I’m just with a reebok Tee “Welcome to the Allen Iverson Show” and my lost favourite jeans and adidas sports shoes.
See the difference in the dressing XP.
Then, I do my hair, she as usual put on her make up.

I was initially quite shy as I thought that she is taller than me,
then later on.. yea height difference not so bad. But well, I guess it should be bad for her since it usually look better if a guy is taller than a girl at least one head. I just taller than her a forehead.

Yea, first meeting with her..
Then I asked her, so where shall we go now?
I always forget the sequence between the first and second activity.
But now come to think of it, I think the first should be Arcade first.
Because it was still early at that time, but whatever it is..
Let’s start with Arcade first since it’s start with A.

I myself cannot believe such thing will actually happen.
First meeting,
she said she pay.
Nevermind, then what’s next is I changed RM50 as I heard wrongly, then I and the lady who’s in charge of the counter asked want to change back she said no need.
RM50 for both of us.
A girl, treat me arcade, first meeting.
Duration of knowing each other? A few months. Not even half a year.

I played that stupid Jurrasic Park game also I stunned there,
and the funny thing is, when we were playing that noobish game, I can see her straining her eyes and I told her, “You brought your specs with you right?”
Then both of us wear our specs together.
After our arcade session has over, she actually don’t really mind because in SG is more expensive. Yea.. SGD 1 = RM2.4
1 sgd you can play the same game twice when you were in SG. ><

Later on I still remember, she buy her green tea and it is Yeo's.
Slumber only she just offered me~~
This could only reminded me of something when someone did actually offer something sweet to me, and as I ate it is much "sweeter".
As I took a sip of it, hah I told myself, I hope I won't be blogging about this that this is the only thing that she offered to me and it taste "sweeter" than a usual one. End up, still the same thing, because it happens again ^^V
So in conclusion, next time never take those offer, and even if I take it, just say that it taste even "worst" than a normal one.

Then after that, I think it was me who suggested ghost house.
Before deciding to go in, I ask… you sure you want?
Then she was like really fine with it.
So okay, is 50-50, meaning I pay my share she pay hers.

Ghost house…
That stupid genting's ghost house, I've been craving to go in for many years, and my experience of going in for the first time is with her.
I still remember, before we go in they ask us to take INDIVIDUAL picture with the noob mascot, where they don't let us take together.
Individual picture, then can sell 2 ma, if take together can sell one =D
Then before going in, I'm like.. "Err you sure you still wanna go?"
Cause is really only BOTH OF US, as there were no one wanted to go to that ghost house.
Still seems like she really didn't mind at all, and yeaa… you can say.. Pay already wanna don't go meh?

I still remember, when we go in, there's this dude who explained to us the RULES AND REGULATION, and as usual la.. they end with..
"The management is not responsible for any loss of belongings."
Initially that dude wanted to explained in Malay she said" I CAN'T UNDERSTAND MALAY!"

So needles to say, obviously that malay dude then use english to explain to us.

Before our journey in the ghost house began,
you know what she say?
I tell you, that friendly statement if you would compare with the current condition/situation with me and her, is like totally different.
Never in my life, I would actually go to a Ghost House, in Genting, with a Girl, in the dark and will say this…

Well I don't know should I mention this or not, but I guess…
Since that was the past, nothing else matters anymore right? So whateverlaa~~

She said with a really friendly tone "You don't mind right if I hold your back?" I was stunned because.. 1st I only know her for like a few months, and is in the dark, and so fast trust me?
I know, maybe some of you may think that ahh nothing special, but what I can assure is, I don't think is really common, and yes you read it right, it just never happen to me before that, that's how sad it was =D

So my answer of course would just say don't mind cause what's there to mind O.o
Well, so I guess that shows that we were close then…
Were we?
Close… well if before the meeting if you would asked me am I closed to her, I think I would say should be yes, but as for her I don't know.
Well if you read the previous entry, I guess the making of O TPY video should be a solid prove that we should be close GUA.

I tell you, the ghost very jin kak,
they purposely go and scare her don't scare me.
Yes it was on purpose as each time the ghost try to approach me they just didn't go and try to "RA!!" to me but instead "RA!" to her.
They tried to me once or twice, but I'm like still able to see them and somehow able to predict where they are going to come from, but even then I know.. it is obvious they just want to scare her. Cause die die also the "RA!" is louder at her side compare to my side.

So holding my back she was, as we were touring the "ghost house"
There's this like documentary board regarding each ghost, and there's even the devil one, and every board also she stop and read it.
Cool ne? That was her, 2 years ago..

There's one point where she reading half way, then the ghost was tailing us SLOWLY, she noticed it, then she said "Ok ok lets go"
Then I replied "You sure you don't want to read finish?"
She replied "Read finish adi".
CB GHOST, simply want to scare her again.

I tell you, I thought I was the one who's going to shout.
Cause by right, she watched more horror movies and my frequency of watching horror movies is countable..
End up the ghost only try to scare her, and what's there to be shocked of?

But got one, I saw something that is not moving, we thought it was just a dummy or Mannequins, but the more I see it, it looks more like a real human, so I strongly have a feeling that stupid dummy is just not right, but somehow the way he stand still really looks like a dummy.
It was dark some more, by the time I wanted to warned her that is a real human, that human already shocked her already.

So did we walk in the Ghost House really fast or really slow?
Well I think I would say quite average la, we didn't really turned back for fun. After that when we went out, there's this store that sell all the weird trick stuff, and she told me how she was interested in spiders.

Then after that, she asked me why don't I buy the stupid picture with the mascot, so that we can post it in forum ^^
Yea, so just imagine we actually took pic together and share to buy the pic of us together and post it in forum ^^
I think that would change the outcome of my gaming guild knowing things between us. Hohoho.

But yea, sadly she bought her, I didn't buy mine. In fact mine was like, being forced to take pic.
I never do want to buy pictures with mascot that has no meaning.

After that, it should be our last activity before I actually joined her to take care her little cousin ^^V
She just laughed and just grab me to the mini KTV, that one you insert coin and you can sing a song.
Yes, just as simple as that.

That laughter I could remember the most because, I guess that was the only solid moment where I could actually see her laugh with joy that actually shows the playful side of her. I get to see it in person which is only….. ONCE.

I sang one song,she sang one, we both sang another one song duet,… TONG HUA by that Guang Liang.
I sang coast to coast by Westlife, and she sang Yong Qi,by Liang Jing Ru. I think she sang another song also. I remember she sang one song she said she can't reach, but lol.. her pitch can reach so high sial.

Yea, we duet tong hua is really funny, I sang half way, she say pass the mic, then end up we both just grab each mic, and yea I think it should sound good I guess.

IN order to actually pay for all this machine's services, you actually need to get a card, pay your deposit, and reload your credit in it.
Guess what? I kept that card until today, I thought that I could actually go up there the next day but.. think she was leaving on the next day end up that is how the card is still with me until today.

It brings back memories huh…

So after all that, went to ate my lunch at the hotel as she joined her cousin for lunch, then after that, they went snow world again I walked around Genting while waiting.

Nothing special, until they came out walking around.
Her cousin brother was busy pak tor-ing with his gf, and end up both of us are the eldest in charge, and surely if I just stand there and watch her chasing a few kids it should be tiring for her ler. SO end up, the past rest of the evening, I was actually helping her to take care her cousin with her, while chatting with her, wile "exploring" and "touring" First World with her and her cousin.

But seriously, her cousin was really cool..
What he did lol, I guess this one only a few of us know.
Malas to blog here.

And the ending, took pic together and go back.
I took the latest bus, and I have to go down 9pm cause the bus leaves about 9.30

Yes, when I get back, I'm still stunned, and asked myself
"What actually happen?" and "Did all this really happen?"

Looks like a dream huh.

That's our first meeting =D
That is something that I don't thing it'll actually happen, cause miracle happens when you least or don't expect it, the more you expect it to happen it won't happen and even it does happen….
You won't think that is a miracle.
I honestly would never expect that our first meeting could turn up like this, where everything is like as if we were really good friends at least.
——————————————————————-

It's 4.20am now, my class… 8.30 tomorrow =D.

Maths in the law of Truth and Lie =D

Lol, for the past few days,
I’ve been thinking like why the hell do we learn Maths for, and how does Maths actually forms.

Till then I realize that actually,
Math is like a language or a subject that teach us how to relate things with one thing and another.

Like for example, you make a statement my mother is my father’s wife.
In Math’s language is My mother = My father’s wife.

Is just as simple as that.

Then you could relate further from there to even more lets say..
Anyone whom my mother gave birth to = my siblings
Therefor you can also say that
Anyone whom my father’s wife gave birth to = my siblings.
Since you said that My mother = My father’s wife

Yup that’s Math =D
With no + – X and /

If you want to relate it with these 4 symbols,
All My siblings = My Brother + My Sister
Or you can say My sister= All my siblings – My brother.

Make sense doesn’t it?

Today I was bored in the lab,
so something just came into my mind.

I remembered my father asked me a question before when I asked him about white lies.

Check this out.
Is this a cup HALF FILLED or HALF EMPTY?

Well if both are same to you, hence
1/2 filled = 1/2 empty.

Till then I started to write down the relationship between truth and lies

A Truth is known as not a lie, and a lie is known as not the truth.
As we learned vector, lets say there is just left and right, we take right as positive and left is negative.

Hence -1 = -(-1)
Which you can also say that Right = -Left
As Left = – Right

So meaning that
Truth = -Lie
Lie = – Truth

Truth is opposite of a lie, Lie is opposite of the truth.

The statement of Truth or Lie = Sum of Truth + Sum of Lie
If you are telling the truth sum of lie = 0 statement = true
If you are telling a lie sum of truth = 0 statement = lie

We can easily say that a lie is a lie, and the truth is a truth.
But in real life there are such thing as 1/2 lie 1/2 truth and whatever lies and truth you can name it.

Saying for example the truth statement is that cow is a female cow
You give me two statement which is
The cow is a male and the cow is a female.
Hence all I know is the cow is either male or female.
In Math

Sum of Truth+Sum of Lie= Truth————-[1]
Sum of Truth+Sum of Lie = Lie—————[2]

I only know a statement, but still I don’t know is truth or lie or both?

For this case, your are telling a lie and the truth,
Truth = Lie
When the truth and lie when contradiction occurs, cause you don’t know which statement you should accept.

Second case is the 1/2 Truth and 1/2 Lie.

As mentioned, a cup which is 1/2 filled = 1/2 empty.
Therefor a 1/2 truth = 1/2 lie
When you tell a 1/2 truth it means the other 1/2 is a lie.

BUT!
For us, we could only judge,a truth is a truth, a like is a lie.

Hence regardless of sum of truth + sum of lies it has to be either THE TRUTH or A LIE.

This is the defination for it.
1/2Truth+1/2Lie= Truth————-[1]
1/2Truth+1/2Lie = Lie—————[2]

Or
if you take 1/2 Truth=1/2 Lie

Both will give you a same answer where your
Truth = Lie
End up, is like…. you can’t say that the statement is a lie neither the statement is the truth because the truth of the statement it is also the lie of the statement.

Sad right?

Unless if you said that as long there is a lie means is a lie

So meaning you only can accept this equation

Sum of Truth+ Sum of Lie=Lie
Where the sum of lie = lie
Lie-Lie=Truth
Truth = 0 Hence you will take any statement, as long as there is a lie there is no truth.

So you may ask me,
why do I equate any sum of Truth + any sum of lie = truth and lie?
Because we only accept a statement is either truth or lie.
So regardless of the sum, it has to end up to one conclusion,
THE TRUTH or LIE?

That is why I hate it when people give me a half truth or half lie statement.
Hate it when they can’t tell the 100% truth.
coz, when they do so, you can say they lie, neither you can say they are telling the truth, because their truth = their lie.
Makes no different.

Then if Truth = Lie
What is truth and what is lie if there is no difference.
Damn.

Campus Life after 2 months

Is been like 2 months plus?

I somehow dislike UTAR’s Foundation timetable style.
Its really rushing, one week one chapter of lecture FOR EACH SUBJECT.

Last time form 6 everyday we almost touch the same subject, we at least have 2 days of same class =D. But the sad thing is we have to LEARN MORE, MEMORIZE MORE, PRACTICE MORE for better performance.

But according to one lecturer who told me just that, they will or might change it to 3 LONG sem. You see my course we only study our SCIENCE AND MATH’s subject for 2 sem, the last sem is like O.o
What the…

So for 14×2 weeks we study/sit for exams for the science and maths subject. 24 weeks..
STPM got how many days for us to prepare? From June till next year November. GG.com
But nevertheless, the lifestyle is surely different.
STPM you have to follow school rules ^^V, College is just you take care on your own ^^V.

I dislike BREAK for really long hours if there is no place to hang out.
My campus only got what JAYA ONE? As compared to Taylors and Inti in Subang you have SS15 or Sunway nearby.
Anytime can just go and CC. Variety more.
I won’t mind if I could go home if my house is near for that 1-2 hours break.
But somehow is always better than school recesses WTH NOT EVEN 30 mins then RECESS OVER.
Initially I never take advantage of breaks that I have during campus time, but now.. I “seng mok” d.
During break after makan, I sure go take something and do since I got no laptop(sadly) so when I go back I can get to my gaming life ^^V

In College you have Lectures and Tutorials, in STPM..
Your teacher is everything.
Sadly, FORM 6 in my area are just too little, and IN MALAYSIA the amount of Form 6 students is just a small ratio from the SPM graduates. So imagine in MALAYSIA how many Form 6 students.
Teachers NOT MANY… hence if your teacher sux, meaning you have to go for tuition or else you also GGhailat.com.
But for Colleges.. I tell you, got lecturer laa got tutor laa some even practical tutor also got. Like mine, for Physics I have tutor, lecturer and practical tutor all three different people. But for Chem, I have tutor and lecturer and my tutor will take care of us during practical time =D.

Oh yeaaa since FOUNDATION we do not learn as deep or as detailed as STPM. So they very smart, we will have to learn subjects like ENGLISH, COMPUTER STUDIES, and ECONOMICS.
Yes wtf right econs? HAHAHA
Econ’s is a social science ^^V that’s included in the defination.
Starting to enjoy this subject that I might not be studying it during my degree time.

So how about friends?
hahaha..
My class MOU TAK DENG man, siao gina semangated as compared to my STPM classmates.
LECTURE CLASS DIE DIE ALSO MUST SIT IN FRONT.
Everything no.1 ^^V
Seems like my class perform the best in my Lecture group.
1 Lecture group split into 4 tutor classes, and my class beats them all in lecture group but as overall I don’t know.
What I know is, it feels good to be in the semangated siao kia wanna score 4 flat class. Then lazy people like me will follow the flow of SIAO GINA STUDY =D

But currently, like what people might have said liao.
Now really, almost every lecture class I go in. Every lesson also I learn before one, as people define that I’m wasting my time.
Is true. LOL.

So I told some of my mates,
“IF I DON’T HELP YOU GUYS DURING THIS FOUNDATION TIME, IT IS MEANINGLESS FOR ME TO BE IN HERE.”

Yes, I’m errr also was selected as Class Representative.
Which is by fate I would say.. not I chose it, not I volunteer for it.
It was like someone call out some random number and so happen that number in the name list is belong to me. So that Chem lecturer just picked me as class rep.

Seems like it was fated T_T
Last time Form 6 also Moon Lum asked me to replace Kwok Yoong to become monitor I don’t want, now I come here I cannot choose.

So yea, in my class I can consider the MOST relax and slumber guy in class. So from this sentence you can know how am I performing =D
So far, I only manage to errm treat 80% of my class for makan and err
I think went movie with some of them for once?

Other than that nothing else luuuuuuuu~~

O, I’ve even argue with Lecturer about exam questions also ^_^
It’s just so sad that not many student actually realize that the question is misleading, because they don’t even know how to do the question at all.

Well if any UTAR lecturers read this.
I still will stand for my point here.
You all asked us to CALCULATE the acceleration, but the fact is we need the mass to calculate the acceleration with the given FORCE.
BUT, the answer is EXPRESSED in terms of m where the MASS m is not stated anywhere at all.
If you give us the instructions FIND THE ACCELERATION I still can accept, but for this case you’ve misled us already.

Imagine us trying to calculate the acceleration, and having the answer UNSOLVED by leaving it in expression of m, how do we feel where the INSTRUCTIONS is to calculate ACCELERATION where we can’t give you the answer in m/s-2 but later that only we found out THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT?

Think about that. I won’t want to argue anymore.
Because of that, I wasted a few minutes on that question wasted about 20% of my time thinking is the question lacking of information?
Well I tell you, even in STPM if they want us to express in m, they will tell us by indicating that mass is m or they will say express in terms of m. The way you all test us is UNFAIR.
Since nothing could be done, then I guess sharing out my thoughts would be the only option to just submit to your decision and say…
“Ok whatever.”

So that’s all update about me for those who still “kepoh” about me ^^V
I like this emoticon ^^V, it shows that ah well I couldn’t care much or less so PEACE ^^V piss on you too sonovabitch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TnzCiUSI0

At last can put some HTML thingy in here

Lol, err yea I just found out about it, =D

So there ya go, at the moment, this song should fit my blog ^^V
New Devide by Linkin Park, but this one is some dude name ericsomething, you can search it @ youtube.

Chapter…. ??????????????

Lol, my course has started, same like THIS ferler but he’s in Kampar I’m in the PJ campus.

The course started just a week ago and I’ve already have like tons of stories, I think I should reserve that some other day.

As for the you-know-what story..
the next coming chapter suppose to be one of the happiest moment that I had with her throughout the whole 2 years of knowing her.
Too bad it could only happen when I first get to know her, not towards the middle nor the end.

Sigh.
That story I never blog before but I told a few before.
That is one of the memories of me and her that I’ll never ever forget.
To be honest, if I would compare the her when she was back then and now I think there’s so much different eh?

I think I shall update in about a month time, when I settle down with many things.
If you still wondering whether I still miss her?
Well I know that I’ll miss her for a very very long time or perhaps forever,
again I would say those time that we had are just too memorable for me, and seems like every single thing I see or do could easily remind me of her. Well I guess I won’t miss her so badly when my mind is busy with other thing else, but I know from time to time there will be the emo moments where I will still be stupidly hoping that things will be alright just like how it was.

But well reality, I think all the while it was only me who appreciate times spent with her, to her maybe is just like killing her boredom, nothing much. Yet, the funny thing is still I can happily tell myself before her birthday… all this for her, is to show that I appreciate the time we had, and I even thought yeaaaa someday I’ll be proud to say that she’s always been my support no matter what and all that… even though she might not be with me as my life partner.

Oh well, I’ll stop here then.
Talk about it also makes me really sad.